God’s pursuit, My Identity, and Magical Mumbo-Jumbo

Ian’s Story

My life has been defined by identity. As a service member, our reputation, or ‘identity’ drives the perception of our success. I allowed my successes, my ‘identity’, to define my character. I was aggressive at work, and I became aggressive at home. It created worldly success in my job. I was rewarded, often handsomely, for giving everything I had to my job. Over the past few years, I was offered a new challenge professionally. I dove into this challenge deeper than I had anything in the past. Working long hours, working from home, always taking phone calls. I’d find myself on vacation taking work meetings. I’d find myself on hikes with family, taking phone calls. I had found a skill I didn’t know I had, an ability to rapidly recall obscure information normally kept in various aviation regulations. This separated me from my predecessors, and my peers, and was leaned on by my Army leadership heavily. This…was who I was. But God had a plan…

I thought my testimony was going to be from a dramatic event from 2014. My marriage with Lisa fell out hard, and I handled It poorly. I thought to myself that the only answer to this…attack on my identity…was to take my own life. And, after deciding that that was not that answer, I dove into a deep depression. Four years later, Lisa made the decision to start repairing our marriage. But it depended on my willingness to find God, and to lead our family to God. I believed in God, but I had no relationship with Him, and I didn’t like the idea of “Church” or religion. Yes, to me, God exists. But the gates I had to walk through in order to gain his favor seemed…wrong. It was easier to ignorantly know that God existed than to research and learn about his word. But God was in pursuit…

2022 became the year that I can fully and confidently say that I am saved by the grace of God. Again, ignorantly, I would say that for the first time in my life I’d started to see the signs God was putting up for me. At this point, there are countless examples of his work in my life. And I’d be selling God short if I attempted to keep his work in my life only in 2022…

I’ve listened to sermons from numerous Pastors, as well as PG, talk about the shift in our heart and in our life when we fully surrender. Pshhh, that’s what us “real” folks would call magical mumbo jumbo. Having not experienced it at all, keeping my guard up, that type of stuff is all make-believe. If you want to see a shift in your heart, tell God his work is magical mumbo jumbo…I dare you!

On our trip back from Lisa’s family in Tennessee, we ‘randomly’ put on a podcast. Questioning Christianity by Dr. Tim Keller. The specific episode that was on was about…get this…identity. Without going into detail (LISTEN TO THE PODCAST!!!!), humans are defined by two general identities, Traditional and Modern. As Dr. Keller describes these identities, he offers a third option, the Christian identity. Sign me up! That’s where I want to be! The very next morning, during service, PG unintentionally challenged me and my soul…”The line between Christians and everyone else is Baptism”. The what??? I have not been Baptized, and for my entire life I’ve been ashamed of it. But, if it’s a line I need to cross, then I’ll cross it.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect. But here’s what I’ve come to realize. A man who has been ugly, prideful, broken, who’s hurt people, treated people like crap, broken relationships with people who needed relationship, who’s treated his family as second to literally everything else. That man…he’s been pursued by God. I didn’t ask God to help me with my depression. My pride, and the enemy, lied to me. They made me think that MY strength carried me through it. Wrong, God was there. He helped me. He held my hand and walked me through it. God has always been there, pursuing me. He lit a fire in my life for His word. He’s shown me that the gifts he’s given me aren’t meant for this world, but they’re meant for the Kingdom. My talent to reference obscure stuff in the world of Aviation has been misused. I’ve been studying for the wrong test. And, after being Baptized, after the heavy pursuit of me in 2022, after hearing him speak to me, having dreams about his greatness, and seeing the enemy truly flee, I can say that God has pursued me. He’s torn down my prideful identity and given me a different purpose in life. A large chunk of that purpose is in leading my family in our life with God. And the first step in that purpose is rebuilding my relationship with Christopher, and his relationship with God. He’s shown me that the life I have had, that I’ve worked so hard for, isn’t meant for His Kingdom. And He’s shown me that the ‘magical mumbo jumbo’ is no parlor trick. My heart has softened, my defenses are removed, my anger is leaving, and I am submitting the remaining challenges I have, and future ones I’m not even aware of, to him. 

If 2022 marked God’s full pursuit of me, his attack on my identity, and the defining of what magical mumbo jumbo is, then 2023 is the year that I pursue Him. And if the past is any indication of what the future holds, a future with God in my life, then there will be a whole lot more of illogical magical mumbo jumbo to come. God is good!