Winning the Anxiety battle

Tina’s Story

Anxiety, it controlled the majority of my adult life. Always on edge, always looking for something wrong or off in every situation in my life. My thoughts controlled my every move, every emotion. I was trapped inside a shell that I couldn't get out of. It made me quite literally a miserable person. I was always angry and irritable, always nit picking little petty things, always filled to the brim of negative emotions because my mind always thought of the worst possible thing, always. I felt defeated on a daily basis, and depression kicked in. Being in the cycle of anxiety and depression is torture.

Stuck between caring to much and not caring at all. It made me hate who I was, and because I hated who I was it made me reflect that hate on the ones who loved me most. I went to the Dr and got put on medication, at first I thought it was helping, but after a few months I had to up my dose. And for a while that new dosage "worked", but I would once again start feeling intense Anxiety and depression creeping in. Again and again, over and over, a vicious cycle. Even with the medication I would still feel a little on edge but it was better then it was so to me it was working, until it didn't. The same hate filled angry person would always come back. It ruined me, and it tore my marriage apart. I didn't want to live anymore. The thought was always there, if I just left this world then everyone would be better off because I wouldn't be causing them anymore pain. I wanted to stop taking the medication but I couldn't because I became so dependent on it that I would go through terrible withdrawals from it. A vicious cycle I couldn't break. I was stuck. 

One day it all came crashing down with so much force that all I could do was fall to my knees and cry out to God. The first time I've ever done that. Tears pouring out of my soul streaking down my face and leaving droplets on the floor. I remember crying out "God I can't do this anymore" "please help me God" "I dont want to live like this, I can't live like this anymore". That was the first day ever that I finally turned to him. I still struggled in the days after, turning to alcohol and try to numb me but eveynight I found myself in the same position, on my knees turning to Him. I began reading my Bible, listening to worship music, watching sermons on YouTube and I began to feel better. I surrounded myself with Him. His truths. His love. It was maybe 2 weeks later that I realized that I haven't felt any anxiety nor have I taken my meds and I didn't have any withdrawal. My mind was blown. For the first time I noticed the goodness of my Father. And i began thinking back on situations in my life and I realized He was there all along. I was just to distracted to notice.

It's been a year now and no meds needed! I still have moments when I feel anxiety trying to creep in but I now have a "battle plan" to stop it in its tracks! To say I'm different now is a understatement, He has completely transformed me (and still working)! If it was not for His love, and His grace, I wouldn't be who I am now, I know that without a doubt.

I've been sitting on this testimony for a while now, afraid in a sense to share it, but at Sundays service as I was worshiping and talking to him I asked, "What do you want me to do? How can I bring more people to you?" Then Gunter started his sermon and it was about testimonies. I knew that God was telling me that it's finally time for me to share His goodness. So if you deal with anxiety, depression or just feel lost within yourself, turn to our heavenly Father, talk to him because he listens and cares and he will help you make it out of the dark. He will always be there working in every situation.