Fasting Breakthrough

The past few weeks, I have been feeling discouraged. Defeated and tired. When people would ask me how I was, I didn’t know how to answer. And not having a genuine answer to that question made me feel like I was doing something wrong- it almost felt shameful that I wasn’t able to make enough time in my day to even know how I was doing.

I have been a mom for a little over a year, and it has given me my highest highs and my lowest lows. I have heard this spoken as an encouragement to moms: “Think of who you’re raising, who they’re going to become and all they will do.” I’m being so vulnerable when I tell you it didn’t really encourage me. It made me feel invisible. Like my life’s purpose had now become my kid’s purpose. My job was to raise this baby so that this baby could do great things. And my selfish mindset whispered, “What about me?”

When 21 Days of Prayer & Fasting began, I started a liquid/juice fast partly because I believed things would happen in the spiritual realm, but partly out of obligation. I felt an apathy that I really had to fight against and it sometimes seemed like I didn’t have the strength to break through this wall I was feeling spiritually. I asked God for a fresh baptism, I asked Him for more of His presence. Day 4 of my fast, I sat and waited to hear from Him. I started to get more and more honest in my prayers, and I spoke aloud these thoughts for the first time. Then my thoughts became His thoughts and this crossed my mind clearly- “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Galatians 2:20) Oh, how quickly things change in His presence. I didn’t have to muster up the strength to break the wall. He broke it with His presence. I didn’t have to change my circumstances. He changed my perspective with His word. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me! To live is Christ and to die is gain.

His loving kindness, it met me. It corrected me and uplifted me. He is everything. If He’s not a part of it, I don’t want it. And I can’t do anything without Him. I don’t want my selfish ambition, I just want to keep saying “YES, GOD” to any and everything He may ask of me. What great things will He accomplish?? Here am I, send me. Thank you Jesus. - Ashley